Anti-Zombie Fitness Plan

Any apocalypse is going to require pretty significant fitness in the survivors, but if you want to be ready for a zombie apocalypse, you’ll need to focus your efforts in some specific areas that will help you survive and thrive in the zombie world. 
Any good fitness plan needs cardio, but your well-honed Jazzercise kick-ball-change won’t help you as much as more basic cardio training. 

Cardio
Run for speed. Practice those sprints and get your mile run as fast as you can get it. Zombies aren’t fast, but if you aren’t either, you have a problem. 
Cycle for endurance. Having strong cycling fitness and endurance can benefit in a number of ways. It’s much faster and easier on your joints than running. It gets you off dependency on gasoline for longer distance travel (gasoline is likely to be scarce in the days after the fall of mankind). And it builds your personal reserve of lightweight and comfortable cycling gear which may be difficult to obtain after zombies have taken over the local REI. Knowing how to travel 30 or more miles on a bicycle can mean the difference between being trapped in a dangerous urban area and finding a safer rural location. 
Swim. Be able to swim. Zombies can’t. Not being able to swim eliminates one of your easiest escape routes from zombie hoards. 

Agility
Any exercise that improves agility is great. Get yourself confident on a variety of terrains. Practice crossing rivers on fallen trees. Learn how to plant your feet solidly on rocky, gravelly, sandy and muddy terrain. And practice your linebacker moves for great dodging. Kickboxing class can help, so don’t slack on bobs or weaves!

Upper Body Strength
You’ll need to be ready for hand-to-hand combat. To help, work your upper body training. A few great upper body strength builders that also get you ready to defeat a zombie attack are activities like cutting wood (get great with your axe aim!), batting cage practice, and any sort of sword training. And don’t forget those pull-ups and push-ups for overall strength building. 
Good Luck and Good Fitness!

Mom, the babysitter is a zombie

Even though I'm almost 15, mom still doesn't trust me. I don't know why, because it's not like I get into trouble or anything. So what if I love George Romero and my Xbox! So anyway, mom hires this babysitter that just blabs on her cell phone all day and I've even caught her wearing mom's clothes.

So mom has to work late one Friday and the babysitter, Katrina, calls in to tell mom that she is sick. Mom rips her a new one and tells her that she has to work late. So, Katrina sucks it up and drags her butt over to "babysit" me. Holy crap she smelled and looked awful. She has a Bluetooth headset that she wears all the time, and wears clothes that are meant for someone about 5 sizes smaller. I ignore her as she comes in wheezing and I go back to play some Left 4 Dead. A few minutes later, I hear a rummaging in mom's room. So, I grab my camera phone and head to catch Katrina in the act. I flip on the phone and kick open mom's bedroom door, and there she is, sitting with her legs spread with mom's red high heels on her fat feet with some creepy lingerie I'd never seen before. On her lap is our pooch Zoey. Or what was left of her anyway. There was Katrina blathering and spitting out non-sense on her phone, blood froth on her mouth and dead dog on her lap. I called mom:

"Mom! The babysitter is a zombie."

"I know! She's on the other line. You can shoot her in the head can't you?!?! I can't get another pair of those shoes after the zombie apocalypse!"

Doors, Windows and Stairs, Oh My!

The news shows are denying it, but we all saw the zombies lunching on the celebs at the Oscars. Face it, the zombie apocalypse is here. So now what?

First of all, realize there is a difference between zombies and tornados. To survive a tornado, you want to head to the basement. When trying to escape the walking dead, there's really no worst place you could be. You're like a boxed lunch in a basement. Generally there's only one exit and even when windows are available, struggling out of one while zombies approach isn't practical. 

Upper stories are your best bet against zombies, especially of the slow, shambling variety. If possible, destroy some of the steps so that a decently agile living person could get up and down but a clumsy, stumbling zombie can't make the trip. This can be accomplished by removing every third step or so, depending on the abilities of the zombies. Station a guard at the top to pick off any zombies who do manage to get close.

Doors and windows should be boarded up, of course. Survivors with a little home improvement know-how and enough advance notice of the zombie apocalypse should also reverse doors so that they open outwards, not into the rooms. Think about it - zombies try to force their way in by pushing and beating on the doors. Unless they're terribly smart, they won't back up and attempt to pull a door open. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must head to the hardware store for lumber. Unlike in the movies, my house doesn't have tons of extra furniture to break up for the windows.

Nice Try Larry!

After the Zombie apocalypse, we managed to gather up some supplies, guns, and a few extra perks like DVDs, and we headed for the forest. We were able to survive the outbreak and the mass exodus out of the city because me and four of my friends were already camping. We were all inside the Bait Tackle and Auto Body shop outside of Fort Smith, and this is how it went. 

“Bait?” asked the old man, clearly not feeling well.
“Nope” Jim responded.
“Need some smokes?”
“No sir.” Jim responded again, with more agitation.
“Brains ?!?!” 
“Nope. Wait, HA! I get it!” Jim looked up with a smile as the zombie clerk lunged in for some fishing of his own. We all had a good laugh once we put Jim and the clerk down.

The next thing was when we finally got back to the cabin and scrubbed Jim’s cranium off our skirts. Lindsay and Sarah went with me to clean up in the master bathroom, and Larry stayed downstairs. We were shooting the breeze talking about how lucky we were that Larry the stud was apparently the last man on Earth, when we heard a low grumble from the bedroom. Lindsay and Sarah picked up their brushes and I pulled out my .38 special, and slowly opened the bathroom door that led to the bedroom. I motioned for Sarah to open the closet door, and there before us stood a caped creep with pale white skin. As I pulled up my gun it raised its arms and muttered something that sounded like “I want to suck your…” and before it could finish I sent his undead skull to the back of the closet. Then Lindsay says “That’s Larry’s costume closet!” Then we all noticed he was dressed as an old school Dracula. “Nice try Larry!” I yelled. The girls and me laughed and laughed. Rest in Peace Larry!

Zombie Apocalypse Survival--Safety in Numbers?

Definitely, one of the biggest questions in surviving a zombie apocalypse is whether or not to have friends and companions. Having more people around you has its benefits and drawbacks, but overall, is it worth it? There are two main schools of thought on this issue.

On one hand, it seems like a good idea to be in a group. Safety in numbers is a pretty strong argument, especially if you are hopelessly outnumbered by a groaning, groping zombie horde. It's easier to set up ambushes, your zombie killing strategies can be more epic, and let's face it, more people around you means more people that can be between you and the incoming zombie swarm.

Fighting the undead in groups doesn't come without its drawbacks, though. There's always that awkward moment when you have to kill your best friend or girlfriend because they got bit. Seeking out established groups also has its risks, especially if there are ladies in your group. They could find themselves being drafted into a repopulation program that would be highly illegal if society still existed.

It might seem that being a lone wolf in the zombie apocalypse may be better. Fewer chances of heartbreak. No one to slow you down. You get all the Twinkies to yourself. There are some flaws to this approach, though. 

If you're a loner and you're cornered, that's it, game over. There won't be anyone to stand guard while you sleep. There won't be the freshly bit volunteer to slow down the zombie mass to ensure your escape. No one sees how awesome your last kill was.

What do you think is better for surviving the zombie apocalypse, being alone or in groups?

The Themed Zombie and How to Deal with Them

One way to survive a zombie apocalypse is to recognize the type of zombie you will be fighting. While there are many different zombie categories, there are three main themes you may see on a regular basis.

Nazi Zombies - While you'd think it'd be rare to see Nazi Zombies in the United States, they can be surprisingly common. Stop a Nazi Zombi with the power of love by showing them a peace sign or a picture of people holding hands. For reasons that are far too intricate and detailed to go into here, never, ever, offer a Nazi Zombie a cup of tea. Just don't.

Clown Zombies - Clown Zombies are attracted to bright lights, funny noises and the color red. Therefore it is inadvisable to hang around circus tents, carnivals or fun houses, lest you be accosted. If you are unlucky enough to come in contact with said zombie do not laugh, this will only encourage them. Instead remark on something banal, like the weather or your Great-Aunt Clara.

Bride Zombies - There are two types of Bride Zombies- those bitten at their wedding, and those that were buried in the wedding dress. Luckily both of these types of brides are extremely self-conscious. Show a Bride Zombie her face in the mirror, which will cause her to stand momentarily still while she longs for her days of youth and beauty. This will give you ample time to escape.

Keep in mind those helpful hints when dealing with these somewhat common types of zombies and good luck in your fight against the zombie apocalypse.

Fighting the Undead with Common Sense

Okay, so the zombie apocalypse has arrived. You are surrounded with a world that could easily be a scene from an old horror flick. Now what are you going to do to protect yourself? Anyone who knows anything about zombies knows that these creatures are not as scary as they appear. Yeah sure, they have that horrifying undead thing going for them, but really they are not as bad as one might think.

Defeating zombies is all about using your common sense. The undead is scary at first sight. However, once you get over the initial fear you will see that they are not all that bad. Zombies are slow, not only in movement but they are slow thinkers as well. It does not take much to outsmart a creature who has very little brains left. The main advantage that you have over them is the fact that they are not living creatures and they do not have any common sense left. This is easy to tell by the way that they go around moaning and knocking down doors that could easily be opened using the doorknob. 

The most important thing to remember when dealing with zombies is the fact that the biggest thing that they have going for them is the fear that they cause. Once you get over your initial fear, it should be fairly easy to defeat these brain dead idiots with your own common sense. Therefore, breakout the parsley, face your fear of the undead, and know that true courage and common sense is all that you need to survive the zombie apocalypse.

When is it ok to feed a stray zombie?

We’ve all had the urge, and some of us have succumbed to those wandering zombie’s charm. There we are, on the front end of our wasteland garden, and along shambles an adorable pink face zombie. Maybe they moan and whine a little, and they just want a little nibble. We all know what happens next. We bring them back to the tribe under lock and key, and everyone either looks on in horror, or shoots the innocent zombie on site. Worst-case scenario, the little mischievous walking dead induces severe vomiting, and nabs a nibble from little Susie. We know that survivors all have very specific rules about keeping around our rotting cousins, but does everything have to be so black and white, or alive or dead? Here are a few instances where feeding a stray zombie can perk up a party, or impress that lone wanderer you’re trying to woo.

• Garden shooting party
Put that carcass of Grandma to good use and leave it out to attract the horde. Target practice is a great way to bring a community together.

• Pick up lines
Nothing works better to attract that wasteland wanderer than the damsel in distress routine. If there is any spare flesh laying around, throw it out, plop to the ground when your beau walks by, and scream bloody murder until he comes to the rescue.

• Sometimes we get lonely in “post-apocalyptia” and the company of our trusty feline or canine just won’t cut it. If you can manage to chain up or bear trap a wandering skin bag, you’ll have a pal for life. Even though it probably can’t listen, it will seem to do so intently while you complain about canned beans and poor water quality, and just how hard It can be to find a good man zombie apocalypse. 

A guide to vehicle selection in a Zombie Apocalypse

So, the dead have begun to walk the earth; that doesn’t mean you should. One thing many individuals don’t plan for when it comes to zombie preparedness is how one should convey themselves in a zombie apocalypse. 

Now that conventional law and order no longer affect the world you could drive pretty much anything you’d like. But, consider that if you go with the latest and greatest in sports cars that you’ll need a steady supply of gasoline for that super cool gas guzzler. Also, if you’re driving a car 3 inches off the ground you’re not going to be able to drive off road or go up any steep hills.

If you’re thinking you’re going to zip past hordes of the undead on a fast motorcycle there are a few things to consider. Motorcycles get great gas mileage, but they also have the smallest gas tanks. Remember that even if you’re getting 50 miles per gallon that you’re not going to be able to go more than 50 or 100 if you’ve got the world’s smallest gas tank. 

Just like when it comes to weapon choice, vehicles all boil down to a matter of preference. The sensible choice is getting a 4 x 4 vehicle capable of driving over obstacles and up hills and mountains if need be; think rugged truck commercial. If you’re thinking to yourself “I don’t have such a vehicle,” remember that conventional law and order no longer apply. However you “get” said vehicle will be between you and the hordes of the undead walking the earth … and they’re not telling anyone anything. 

Zompocalypse Fabulous: Five Beauty Tips for the Post Zombie World

Just because you spend your day bashing zombie brains in doesn't mean you need to spend your nights at home alone. The end of the world doesn't have to mean the end of your beauty routines. With our zombie apocalypse beauty tips, you'll be the hottest girl in the compound.

1.) Carefully applied gun powder can stand in for eyeliner, producing a sultry, smokey-eyed effect. Just make sure no one lights a cigarette!

2.) Remember, use COLD water to get blood and brains out of clothes. For large or dried-on stains, let clothing soak before washing. Macy's is closed for good, better keep the threads you have looking sharp.

3.) Cans of Spam are high in fat and sodium. Make sure that you drink plenty of water to counteract the effects on your complexion that come from eating all that salty canned meat. As much as possible, supplement your meals with foraged fruits and nuts to get those skin-saving Omega 3s.

4.) There's no time to get to the gym, so, make your everyday activities into a workout. Swinging hammers at the skulls of the undead is a great whole body workout that really works your core. Carrying bags of supplies to your zombie apocalypse stronghold can be excellent strength training.

5.) Accessories can make or break an outfit. Consider carrying your knife in a sexy thigh-sheath. Try wearing your ammunition belt low on your hips to accentuate your curves.

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How to Date a Zombie

We've all been there. Okay, so we haven't all been there, but we all could be there, maybe. You're enjoying a nice date with your significant other when, all of a sudden, the zombie apocalypse starts and your sweetheart is suddenly turned into a zombie. What do you do? Are you going to throw away your girlfriend because she just happened to become a zombie? Would you dump your dude because he wants to nibble on your ear a lot more than usual? Don't give up! With some patience and creativity, you can still date your newly-zombified significant other.

Dating a zombie isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination, but if you're persistent, you can make it work. You may be tempted to keep your partner at arm's length, but it's probably a better idea to keep her a bit farther away than that, otherwise she might start gnawing on your arm's length. Your zombie boyfriend may seem friskier than usual, but you should definitely be cautious of his motives. It might not be a bad idea to go into a long distance relationship. Okay, so you live in the same neighborhood. that doesn't mean you have to meet in person. She probably doesn't remember where she lives, anyway.

Dating a zombie can be challenging, but it has its benefits as well. For example, a zombie is always a cheap date. He can do his thing on the dance floor, even if he only knows one move. And finally, you'll never have to question whether your special person really loves you for your brains.

Identifying Friends And Foes During A Zombie Apocalypse

During the zombie apocalypse, you may have some difficulty telling who is friend and who is zombie foe as you’re counting your Cup ‘O Noodles rations and using your ironing board to block up that one window you forgot. 

It may seem easy. Zombies are drooling, shambling, monosyllabic brain eaters. But you can never be sure. After all, you may have dated someone who both drools and shambles. Some of your friends may have fashion sense that borders on modern zombie. So think before you act.

One way to separate the pals from the zombies is to simply ask. You can say something like:

“Hey, are you a zombie?”

If the person answers, “No, I am not a zombie”, then they may not be a zombie. If they answer “Blearghhhhasarrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” then they may be a zombie.

If you ask, “Hey, what’s your name?” and the person says “Fred”, they might not be a zombie. If they answer “Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaains” then they might be a zombie. It really depends on the type of crowd you hang out with.

If their clothes are torn, matted, ripped, cut, or caked with week-old intestines, they are probably a zombie. Or that guy in your Civics class. It can get dicey sometimes. If their eyes are rolling around like a gerbil on Ritalin, then they may be a zombie. Or they could be that one guy on the bus who giggles and flicks his boogers at random people. See, it’s not so easy as you would think telling them apart.

Just do your best and hopefully you won’t be torn limb from limb. A little common sense is all it takes to tell friend from brain-eating foe during a zombie apocalypse. 


Leave a comment below for a chance to win a California Zombies T-shirt. Tell us how would you identify friends and foes during a zombie apocalypse. If you haven't seen the T-shirt please go to CaliforniaZombies.com. 


Today's daily blog T-shirt giveaway winner will be posted tomorrow July 6, 2011 at 3pm PST. Good Luck!

What Should You Have in Your Zombie Survival Kit

We prepare for floods, tornadoes and wars. Zombie apocalypse should be no different. Having a properly stocked zombie survival kit could be the difference between living and dying when the zombies bust in. 

First you need something to pack all of your gear in. It needs to be big enough to get a lot of items in and yet still be portable. A backpack is a good choice. Preferably the type you take on a real mountain hike, but you need to still be able to move around and be nimble enough to escape a large group of voracious zombies.

Now what to put inside the pack. There are a few no brainer items such as food and water. Maybe some protein bars or other small, nutrient rich foods that you can eat on the run. Radio and lots of batteries so you can keep up on what is going on in the world. Some first aid items are also important to pack. You want bandages, antiseptic, elastic bandage, sutures and tape.

Now on to the weapons. What weapons are good against zombie? If you answered none, you have a point but you aren't being very helpful are you. A gun is small enough to pack and will stop a zombie if you hit it in the head. Large knives or cleavers can help if they are sharp enough to take off a head. But then they would probably not be very safe to pack around. 

There are a few other necessities you'll want to pack. Be sure to have some flashlights for when the lights go out. Paper and pens to write your memoirs and a Suduko book for those down times.

You'll need to keep your gear in a good spot, preferably a high point in the house so you can start out on high ground. Be sure you have zombie drills so the whole family will know where to meet up when the zombies break in. Being prepared before the outbreak can help you to survive (At least for a little while)

Do you think zombie drills is necessary? Leave a comment below for a chance to win a California Zombies T-shirt.

Today’s blog T-shirt giveaway winner will be posted in CaliforniaZombies.com website, Monday, July 4, 2011 at 3pm PST.  Good Luck!

Zombie Apocalypses And Altruism

During a zombie apocalypse, one of your best weapons is being a good person. But there are a couple of distinctions to be made before you decide to be all nice and stuff.

First, you have to be strong enough for when your friend and fighting comrade looks at you and says “Sheesh, glad we got ‘em all but one of ‘em bit me.” You still have to be able to chop off your friend’s head, which is, in itself, a form of altruism.

It’s not everyone who can do something like that, but when drooling zombies are beating down your door, sometimes you have to.

But generally being the good guy will save you from getting your brains eaten or your body dismembered by a pack of hungry zombies. Generally.

If you are in your zombie apocalypse hideout (hopefully a stainless-steel reinforced well-stocked apartment on the 93rd floor), and you see a cute little kitten outside, wandering around cutely and doing cute kitten things, DO NOT TRY AND RESCUE THE CUTE KITTEN.

The first person who says “Awww….he’s so cute and all alone! I’m going to get him!” will be zombie brunch.

It would seem that people who are not so nice statistically get chomped on more than nice people. Did you eat the last of the Spam rations? Zombie karma will probably get you, and soon. Did you laze out and take a nap while everyone was trying to lock down your hideout? Then it is likely you will be napping in eternity after not too terribly long.

It’s odd – the likelihood of becoming a zombie snack is actually less if you stay behind to help a fallen comrade. Some sort of magical aura will spring up over you like an invisible halo. Go figure. Just make sure that your fallen comrade has not already turned into a zombie, because then you’re toast.

So be nice, be good, be helpful, and for goshsakes do not rescue any adorable kittens.

To win a free T-shirt leave a comment in the comments section below saying what you think of good guys during a zombie apocalypse. 

Winner of this daily blog T-shirt giveaway will be posted tomorrow, Friday in CaliforniaZombies.com website at 3pm PST. Good Luck!

Your Zombie Apocalypse Emergency Kit

Look, no one wants to think about the zombie apocalypse. We all want to sit on the couch, drinking beer and watching bad TV, with nary a care in the world. But the sad fact is that you have to be prepared. One way to get a leg up (so to speak) on the inevitable zombie attack is to have an emergency zombie apocalypse survival kit.

So what should go in it? Well, first and foremost a good shotgun in good repair, finely maintained and clean. You don’t want that thing backfiring on you the minute you use it to blow a zombie’s head off. You will already have to worry enough about zombie guts clogging it.

Second, you want your non-perishable food. MREs are good, although there is only so much mystery beef stew one can take so try to pick a variety of food. Maybe a couple of candy bars too, which will help you pass the time in your hidey-hole as the world as you know it crumbles around you.

Water is good, too. You need to have plenty of good drinking water, and you may want to have extra around for helping you wash out zombie guts from your clothes. You can never get the stains out, but at least with some water you can usually get rid of the major gelatinous masses and globs.

Walkie-talkies – you may want to have a few sets of these too, so you can communicate with others to see how their end of the zombie apocalypse is going. Don’t forget lots of extra batteries, too. Usually cell phone reception is spotty during a zombie apocalypse. Maybe zombies eat cell phone towers, too. It just always seems to happen that whenever a zombie apocalypse goes down, you can’t get a good signal.

Finally, you might want to think about games and pen and paper. Games because while killing and being attacked by zombies is never boring, there are often large lulls of time between attacks and you want to keep your mind sharp. The pen and paper is good for notes like “Beware Zombies” and “They Ate Everyone Here – Save Yourselves”, etc.

What would you put in your zombie apocalypse survival kit? Leave a comment below with your name for a chance to win a free T-shirt. 

The winner for this blog will be posted in www.CaliforniaZombies.com tomorrow, Thursday at 3pm PST. Good Luck!

Top 5 places to go for (early) Zombie Survival

Where do you go? What do you do?

First, take a deep breath and then refer to this handy list of the first places to stop at during the Zombie apocalypse.

1. Shoe store

This sounds like some sort of demented female fantasy, but you're only here for one purpose: get some really good running shoes. You're going to be doing a lot of running from now on, and you better be comfortable doing it.

2. Camping store

What other place are you going to find plenty of dried food, hefty backpacks, comfortable mobile sleep accommodations, and maybe even some impromptu (or actual) weaponry? Oh, and grab some bolt cutters.

3. The local Food Bank

Your local food bank has been stocking up on food that preserves well for months! Sure, you might feel a little guilty at ransacking a charitable organization. But really, who is in more of a desperate situation than you are right now?

4. Hobby stores

You can find many of the same things you'd find at a specialty electronics store in a good hobby store (and avoid the crowds). Anachronistic batteries, ultra-small tools, and even model planes you might be able to use as a distraction. Plus, a place like this may be so out of the way, you might be able to hole up for awhile - and you won't get bored!

5. Any given bicycle rack

While everyone else clogs the highways with their cars, you'll be sitting pretty with a sweet mountain bike that you just took to offroad it right outta town. You did remember to get the bolt cutters at the Camping store, right?

What places would you stop when the zombie invasion begins? Let us know and leave a comment below for a chance to win a FREE T-Shirt!


Winner will be posted tomorrow, Wednesday in CaliforniaZombies.com website at 3pm PST. Good Luck!

Proper Zombie Apocalypse Attire

So many misguided people during a zombie apocalypse do not take the time to consider how important the right attire is now that their lives are solely dedicated to fighting, killing, and most especially running from zombies.

Of course shopping is difficult during a zombie apocalypse, unless you and your friends happen to be stuck at the mall which often happens for some reason. Then your problems are solved. Just remember, layers are important. There is no way to get zombie guts or goo out of clothes. Many people have tried – baking soda, bleach, extra scrubbing – nothing works.

Don’t be that girl who tries to fight zombies in high heels. Anyone wearing platforms, a short skirt, or generally anything revealing tends to get eaten first by zombies. It’s just how things work. If you have to strip clothes from a dead body you can, but make sure they’re really dead, otherwise you will either be eaten or turned into a zombie.

Fashion is important – but so is staying alive. It doesn’t matter if you are sporting a $500 pair of Manolo Blahniks – if they are making you move slow, take them off for goodness sakes and put on a pair of Converse or something. 

No one has actually done an intensive scientific study about the ratio of coolness to footwear and how that may increase or decrease your chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse. But they should. 

Speaking of which, if you wear a pinky ring you will die first and painfully. Likewise, if you wear a lot of gold chains and your shirt open to the waist like some ‘70s mustachioed wonder, your odds of survival are not good.

Ladies, miniskirts are not ok. Tight skirts can hinder your running ability and for some unknown reason trashy clothes are like catnip for zombies. No one can explain it. There seems to be a causal link to hair height/hairspray usage that really attracts zombies like moths to a flame as well.

What would you wear during a zombie apocalypse? Leave your answer in the comments for a chance to win a free T-shirt. 

The winner will be posted in CaliforniaZombies.com website tomorrow at 11pm PST. Good Luck!

Building vs. Cliff in the Zombie Apocalypse

                   Angry Zombie Halloween (Angry Birds)

When looking for shelter from zombies you might think, “Oh I’ll just go on the top of a building and barricade myself in.” Unfortunately, this idea might lead to a slow, stupid death. Even if you do barricade yourself in you will still have to worry about fires. Brick buildings and cliffs don’t have to worry about this unless those buildings have furniture and wood support.

Superficially, a cliff is a great idea! You may remember having to scale a rock wall in high school – only a few of those healthy, living kids could get to the top while the out of shape just sat and watched. Climbing a cliff is way different, and sometimes nowhere to even grab onto. If the fatties said no way to a rock wall in high school, then you know what the zombies are thinking!

With a cliff you can use a pulley system to get yourself up and down and get supplies. However, that means climbing with all of those pulleys and rope systems. I don’t know about you, but I was one of those fatties and there is no way I’m going to climb with pulleys and ropes. To each their own, though. 
Buildings have stairways that hordes of zombies can fill up and go nowhere in. This creates a perfect opportunity to drill a murder hole, like in a castle, and just mow every zombie down. However, one could still be alive while it’s lying on the ground and bite you on the ankle. 

Cliffs are exposed to the elements, and unless you pull some building supplies up before some zombies get to you your toast. The sun will burn you, all of your water will evaporate, and you might get blown off by a freak gust of wind – same with a tall building. So in a nut shell tall buildings are dumb and cliffs are even dumber. Choose a building and die from a fire or starvation. Choose a cliff and risk an attack from a zombie eagle.

If you had to choose shelter in the zombie apocalypse what would it be and why?

Leave a comment below for a chance to win a free T-shirt! 

The winner of Friday's blog will be posted in CaliforniaZombies.com, Monday June 27, 2011 at 3pm PST. Good Luck!

Know Your Zombie Genus And Species

                 

One of the biggest issues you will have to deal with during a zombie apocalypse is trying to figure out what kind of zombies you are dealing with. Many brave people have fallen because they simply didn’t know.

What you have to ask yourself (as you are hopefully sharpening that fire axe blade from the hallway or boarding up windows with your roommate’s surfboard) is this: Are you dealing with Romero zombies or 28 Days Later zombies?

To explain: Romero zombies are the zombies that walk very slowly, shuffling and dragging along, often with arms outstretched. They are slow. They eat brains. That’s about it. If you sat them down for a game of checkers, they would probably eat the checkers, then the board, and then you. And chess – well, their opening gambits often lack a clear long-sighted strategy and they leave their knights too exposed.

28 Days Later zombies, on the other hand, are fast. You can’t outrun them. They may or may not eat brains but mostly they enjoy sinking their teeth into any exposed flesh and ripping bodies from limb to limb. See the difference?

It all comes down to whether or not you can outrun them. You have much better chances of living to see another day with Romero zombies, but don’t get too complacent – that’s where they get you. They may be slow, but they are persistent.

With 28 Days Later zombies, the trick is not to be in a position where you need to run, because they will generally speaking outrun you every time. With these types of zombies you will have to get a little more creative with killing them. Often flamethrowers work exceptionally well, and a hand grenade or two would not go unwelcomed if you encounter one or two.

So make sure that when you are gearing up to fight, you can tell the difference.

Now you know how important it is to be able to tell the two types apart. Want to win a free t-shirt? Leave a comment below saying which zombie you would prefer to be chasing you and why. 

Thursday T-shirt giveaway winner will be posted tomorrow Friday, June 24, 2011 at 3pm PST. Don't forget to leave your Facebook Name along with your comment below. Thanks!

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Avoid Flames When Battling the Undead

                   Angry Zombie Halloween (Angry Birds)

If you have ever thought about using a flamethrower on a zombie, don’t! Just leave it as a thought. What’s worse than a zombie? A ZOMBIE ON FIRE! It will still be alive, because it’s undead and now it’s on fire – kudos to you, now figure out how to kill a flaming zombie! Besides punching a zombie to death, this is one of the worst ideas you could ever come up with.

Even on people flames don’t work quickly, unless the flames get into your lungs. Zombies don’t have to breathe to live, and there is no oxygen in the lungs anyways for the flames to survive. So that means no dead zombie. It won’t work quickly, because all of its flesh has to burn off first just to make it immobile.

The weight of the equipment was one of the biggest complaints soldiers had when carrying flamethrowers in previous wars. This means you’re going to tire very quickly and it’s really hot, which makes you at risk for passing out. You + flamethrower + passed out = zombie barbeque. 

To get around the weight and the close flaming zombies you might think that a modtof cocktail is the perfect idea. Take one zombie on fire and multiply it by 10. You will stand there like a giggling child with his first match when you see your plan work perfectly, but it will fail. The zombies are walking torches and will set anything they give their little zombie hugs to on fire. Now you’re standing in a forest, grassland, town, or God forbid a city that will go up in flames. 

You should have stood in front of the zombie horde and let the zombies have you saving the other survivors from your stupidity. If you see anyone using flame weapons in the zombie apocalypse, you have one choice – eliminate them, use them as bait, shoot them, just don’t let them torch the zombies!

What is your weapon of choice to defeat an onslaught of the undead?

Leave a comment below for a chance to win a free California Zombies T-shirt!

Wednesday T-shirt giveaway winner will be posted tomorrow, Thursday 06/23/2011 at 3pm PST. Leave your Facebook Name in the comment below. Good Luck!

Zombie Survival Mindset

                     

There is only one mind set you can have in the zombie apocalypse and that is survival. That doesn’t mean being able identify the kind of berries that are edible from the kind that will have you screaming in agony. If you want to know that just take a book from the library, zombies don’t read! 

The mindset you need is the one that can make split decisions. The kind where if you have to choose the hot babe or a fully loaded rifle, you choose the rifle! Unless she can lift your unconscious body and drag it to safety and shoot an orange from a hundred feet, she’s as good as zombie chow.

It’s hard to get into this type of mindset because of the society that we live in. We are made to believe that certain items have real value, but most of it is junk that will never help us in the zombie apocalypse! You think that brand new blender is going to save you from a mindless eating machine? Think again – it’s as good as the hot chick turned zombie!

To get into the survival mode you need to identify the items that will help you in the zombie apocalypse – like a car. However, not just any kind of car will help you. If you jump in to a Civic, sure you can travel for a long time, but what if you need to bash through a barrier of burning bodies and cars? That little Civic will run right into its squishy mass and before you know it your insides are being torn apart like a tasty appetizer. However, if you have a giant lifted v8 with huge tires and a big tank for gas, you can just climb over the bodies and cars to safety!

Your zombie apocalypse mindset should read like this: giant vehicles, beefy sharp shooting babes, and a real lack of respect for cooking appliances. If you had to choose one girl to travel with you during the zombie apocalypse who would she be and why?

Answer for a chance to win a free T-shirt! 

Tuesday T-shirt giveaway winner will be posted in CaliforniaZombies.com website tomorrow, Wednesday at 3pm PST. Leave a comment below with your Facebook Name. Thanks!

Zombie Survival Guide: Jimmy Choos as a Weapon?

Take it from a girl who knows. This whole zombie like thing is putting a real damper on my social life, not to mention my wardrobe! Ya know, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to survive and if that means sacrificing your latest British flag style Lulu Guinness bag to save your sexy little hide then by all means girl, what are you waiting for? A girl has all kinds of things she can use as a weapon, your closet full of fashion accessories are an armory for the well heeled.

Just yesterday, I was heading out to meet my friend Mina at Pinkberry for a quick little sip and nip before heading over to my boyfriend's house. I was hot to trot, looking fine in my LBD and my brand new Jimmy Choo Kudos (have you SEEN those shoes? To. Die. For. I swear!)

No sooner had I opened my car door (the one GOOD thing about this zombie thing is that parking on Rodeo Dr. is a dream these days) ok - where was I...oh yeah! No sooner had I stepped out of my car then I saw them. Or rather - smelled and heard them. You know that smell of burning tires when some punk ass kid thinks he's OH SO COOL and skids off the stoplight mark? Well, try that mixed with the fetid smell of the breath of the bums on Vine and you might come close to imagining the putrid odor that comes from these things.

I looked up and they were right in front of the store, blocking the door to Pinkberry and standing between me, my frozen yogurt AND my girlie time. Not to mention Mina was waving frantically in the window begging me to come save her. So, I closed my car door and tried to gather my thoughts. I looked down at my gorgeous lacey, spike heeled, luscious bits of foot joy thinking that they might make the perfect projectile weapon, and knew what I had to do.

After taking my lip gloss out of my bag and gliding it across my perfect pout and carelessly tossing it in the back seat, I watched the zombies bang on the door of the shop. My eyes glanced over towards the window to see the horror in Mina's expression as she flailed her arms like some psychotic rag doll on crack. I took a deep breath and then I took one last longing look at my perfect shoes... and I hit the gas.

I never really liked Mina that much anyways.

Answer this question and leave a comment below for a chance to win a FREE T-shirt! Would you have sacrificed YOUR Jimmy Choo's? 

Monday's winner will be posted tomorrow June 21, 2011 at 3pm PST. Good Luck!

Pets in a Zombie Apocalypse: Liabilities or Assets?

                   

 The feared day has arrived. Zombies are overtaking the earth and there's nowhere to hide. When planning for a zombie apocalypse, people often think about the safety and survival of their children, neighbors and the entire human race. But what about the other members of the family, the ones you gave a forever home and who love you unconditionally? You know, the ones with the sharp teeth and claws?

Yes, you still have a responsibility to your beloved pets. It's difficult to plan for your pets in the event of a zombie infestation because no one is sure if animals can become zombies. If, in fact, our pets become blood-thirsty zombies lusting for some "human food," mankind is pretty much screwed. There are 171 million cats and dogs living in households across the U.S., not to mention the billions of other wild animals.

On the other hand, if the virus, contagion or whatever causes zombieism doesn't affect animals, then trusty Fido could be a great asset. He can help you hunt for food if you're surviving in the wilderness or warn you when zombies approach your campsite. He might even attack a zombie to protect you. However, if your dog's hunting experience prior to the zombie apocalypse was tracking down a potato chip in the couch cushions, and if your happy-go-lucky canine has "never met a stranger," it's doubtful he'll morph into a zombie attack dog overnight. 

If you become a zombie, more likely than not, your pets are going to hate you on sight. Dogs like to roll in dead things, not be their loyal companions.  Cats, on the other hand, hate people already. They probably won't care whether you're a zombie or still human as long as they are fed. Above all else, do not abandon your pets. There is a good chance that abandoned dogs will group together to form wild packs for protection. They will compete with you for food and become dangerous to humans. If you survive a zombie attack to fall at the paws of your 80-year-old neighbor's Labradoodle pair, Fluffy and Muffy, that's irony you won't have a chance to appreciate in the afterlife.

What do you think your pet will do when the zombies come a'knockin' on your door? Will Spike protect you or head for the hills? Leave a comment below for a chance to win a FREE T-Shirt. 

The winner will be posted in California Zombies website tomorrow, Saturday June 18, 2011 at 3pm PST. Good Luck!

Top Places to Hide Out in a Zombie Uprising: A Woman’s Perspective

                  

If the zombies are attacking, hanging out at home is not very practical, unless of course you are a survivalist and have the basement stuffed with food, batteries, weapons and other assorted supplies. 

So where are the best places to hang out and wait to see if the world ends?

1. Being a woman, the choice seems obvious to me. The Mall! Hit the biggest mall in town and never come back out. I mean why would you? You have food. No more trying to decide where to eat in the food court. You can just take turns all day long. Hamburgers for breakfast, pizza for lunch, Chinese for dinner, with the necessary cookies and pretzels for snacks. You have clothes and shoes. Boy do you ever have shoes. That is reason enough to never leave. There is a whole wall of TV's to hang out in the La-z-boy and keep updated on the state of the world. I mean, who hasn't dreamed of being locked in a mall and just running wild.

2. The grocery store is a good choice. Kind of a let down after the whole mall fantasy, but still a good choice. Plenty of food! I'm sure you can come up with some stuff to make weapons. Make sure to try and get some exercise between courses of pork rinds and Ben and Jerry's, or you're just doing the zombies the favor of fattening yourself up for them.

3. A hotel would be a pretty sweet place to hang out if zombies attacked, especially if you are lucky enough to be in Vegas at the time. I understand that money isn't worth anything anymore, but it would still be fun to play on the houses money and hit all of those big jackpots. With all the booze and food, who would really care what is going on outside. If you are by yourself, not as much fun. But if you get stranded with a few buddies, it is a never ending Las Vegas vacation and it will be like the zombies did you a favor. No more going back to work.

These three places have the most supplies and the best chances of survival since they are completely enclosed. Of course at some point the power will go out and take some of the fun out of the post apocalypse party.

Where would you hide out in a zombie attack? Leave a comment below for a chance to win a FREE T-Shirt.  The winner will be posted tomorrow June 17, 2011 at 10 AM Pacific Standard Time. Good Luck!

Who Would You Use As A Human Shield In A Zombie Apocalypse?

                   

Sadly, today many people are either uninformed or grossly misinformed about how to survive a zombie apocalypse. Oh sure, they know where the fire exits are at work. They are aware of basic first aid procedures. But a startlingly low number of individuals know what to do when faced with a screaming, gibbering, blood-drenched zombie. This guide seeks to correct this sad state of affairs.

First, get your terminology straight. These are zombies you are dealing with, not vampires or werewolves. So put down the garlic and save those silver bullets for another time. Some people try to sprinkle holy water on it. They wont work!

Make sure you know what weapon to use. That decorative sword you bought on eBay with the lord of the Rings design will not get you far. Nor will that electric carving knife your brother got you as a joke last Christmas. Your weapon of choice should be either a sharp, bludgeoning instrument or preferably, a shotgun. And people, rule number one here is always, and we do mean always, aim for the head. You will waste valuable and precious energy if you try to hack off an arm or a leg. They will just keep coming.

Another important thing to remember is: Don’t go anywhere by yourself. Don’t be a hero. That is one of the fastest ways to turn your body into a zombie hors d’oeuvre. Or pilaf. Actually, zombies prefer their people-meat al dente, but the point is this: Go anywhere by yourself, even if you don’t think there are any zombies around, and you’re toast. Remember, there are always zombies around, waiting to gnaw on your brains. An important sub-rule to this is do not ever utter the words “I’ll be right back.” Trust us, you won’t.

Lastly, wherever you are, make sure you first and foremost seal all the entrances. Whether it be at home or at the mall (zombie apocalypses tend to happen a lot when you’re at the mall for some reason), spend all your time blocking off every possible avenue of ingress or egress. Bonus points if you round up a crazy survivalist to be on your team, who will keep you in freeze-dried spam for at least a decade.

Remember to stick together. The buddy system is very helpful and in a worst-case-scenario situation, you can always find someone annoying to use as a human shield. Who would you use as a human shield in a zombie apocalypse? Leave your answer in the comments field below for a chance to win a free T-shirt!


We will announce the winner tonight June, 15, 2011 at 10pm (Pacific Standard Time). Like and follow us on Facebook to find out if you are the next lucky winner. Good Luck!
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Survived the Zombie Apocalypse (now what?)

Survived the Zombie Apocalypse (now what?)

Congratulations!

You've survived the zombie apocalypse (we hope, anyways).

Now what do you do?

You may be tempted to continue on with life as you knew it before thousands of millions of ravenous undead descended upon the earth like a biblical plague, turning it into a hellish landscape where survival was the only rule of the day. Unfortunately, by this point, years of scrounging for whatever non-infected food you could find, playing "who's-been-bit-but-isn't-telling" with loved ones, and the constant, mind-twisting horror of daily life in the Zombie apocalypse have probably left you with little, if any, sense of what was normal before.

Not to worry! We're here to help.

The first step is to re-acclimate yourself to life without zombies around every corner. If you open a door and find yourself surprised by someone, the proper response is no longer to unload your shotgun. Say hello, offer a hand (to shake, not to eat), and get to know your new fellow post-apocalyptic survivor. When it comes time to get food, invite them along instead of hording precious resources like a squirrel before winter - you'll appreciate the company, and they'll appreciate eating something other than lead.

Step two is to stop booby-trapping your home. Sure, that was useful when flesh-eating monsters were likely to wander into your temporary shelter seeking your brains, but now that those times are in the past, you're more likely to catch a comically-nosy neighbor in your spike pit, or the new love of your life in a bear trap. Replace those traps with a "Welcome" mat or throw rug. Everyone will be much happier, and the extra color is sure to spruce up the neighborhood.

Step three is to forgive yourself. You did unspeakable acts in the name of survival. From eating things that no man should eat, to killing those you once called friends and family, you'll never erase those torturous memories that still haunt you in the dead of night. But, by forgiving yourself, you'll at least be able to spend this new dawn with a semblance of the humanity you once so callously discarded.

Welcome to the other end of the world.

Do you have tips for after the zombie apocalypse, or tips for getting there? Share them in the comments and get a chance to win a FREE T-Shirt! 

We will announce the winner tonight June, 14, 2011 at 10pm (Pacific Standard Time). Like and follow us on Facebook to find out if you are the next lucky winner. Good Luck!

How to Safely Take a Dump in the Zombie Apocalypse

In the midst of slaying hundreds, perhaps thousands, of blood thirsty decaying humans, you might have a bowel movement. After all, it’s a natural response to defecate on yourself when you are frightened. This may have been helpful in the natural world to ward off predators, but in the zombie apocalypse it will only draw the deceased to you. Some people will have you think that in the zombie apocalypse there will be plenty of opportunities to get the crap scared out of you, this is not true.

Of course, you could always hold it in for as long as possible until pass it naturally or until you die. In that case your body becomes a bubbling butt bomb, exploding upon death – after all, it’s common knowledge that your insides release when you die. This can make it hard for the other survivors to scavenge your body for anything useful like ammo. Here are some pointers to safely go to the bathroom in the zombie apocalypse. 

You must never let yourself get swayed by the porcelain throne and the promise of a comfortable poop - the conventional bathroom is a death trap with only one way out, death! Instead, try a more natural method and poop in the woods or a field. Anywhere that you can see more than 500 ft. in all directions is a good place to squat. 

Make sure you have a sentry on post while you do your business and always take your weapon with you. There is no larger shame than being eaten alive while you make your Hershey kisses. A sentry will be able to spot danger and help you if a resourceful zombie decides to have chocolate with his meal.

Have you ever been camping and forgot the toilet paper? Toilet paper is too menial of an item to risk your life to get, but too important to pass up when preparing. People will literally trade you the shirt off their backs for that stuff, which they would have used anyways.

If you are an extremely skilled zombie fighter, then you might have the opportunity to pass your food. Holding it in will make you lose focus and possibly die in a stressful situation. The human body can hold onto waste for up to a month or longer. So if you have made it to your first zombie safety poop dilemma, pat yourself on the back!

Leave a comment below and tell us how you would take a dump in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. We will randomly pick one lucky winner from the list of people who left a comment below. If you haven’t seen the shirt please go to our website. Good Luck!